As of several days ago I am a 58 year old woman, with no living parents. It's just the oddest feeling. I also know that I am very fortunate that I had parents later in life as I have. I am blessed with that because I know many of you have lost parents much earlier.
Once the 'to do list' is done with figuring out estates and trusts, once household items are divided among my sister, step sister and step brother, once the condo is sold and other pieces of the "have to's" are done, we will go on living our lives.
In many ways it will feel like I am blazing a new trail. I am the matriarch and with that it seems comes responsibilities. I am not sure exactly what they are or what that means yet, but I am sure it will become clearer over time.
Probably one of my biggest worries is handling our cottage in Ontario, Canada without any parents. They knew it inside out and used to be up there from Memorial Day to Labor Day. I just showed up and enjoyed. Now what? It's a lot to manage from so far away. I am in Colorado and my sister is in Ohio. We have had this cottage since 1966. Trust me, it needs lots of work!
Do we do the needed work? Do we sell it? OMG. Just thinking of that makes me sadder than ever, but the alternative is a bit overwhelming also. And my daughters would shoot me if I did sell it!
There will be many decisions that I haven't had to make until this time in my life. I will make them with the best of my ability at the same time knowing they won't all be the right decisions. This is where I feel like I am blazing new trails. It feels extremely independent in some ways and maybe that's simply the best way for me to approach this 'new' stage of life.
I know it will have its ups and down, I know I will feel great loss at the oddest of moments. I also know that this is part of life and that I can handle it. I am a big girl now.
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